Ain’t No Scandal Dire Enough

Last updated on July 9, 2020

This song parody reveals my political leanings. Oh, well. That’s actually the point, confirming that I am, in fact, alive. I’ve been a fan of song parodies since reading Mad magazine and listening to Dr. Demento (including “Weird Al”) when I was a young kid.

Sung to the tune of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” Follow along here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C_3eYj-pOM

Ain’t No Scandal Dire Enough

Listen, baby, ain’t no scandal dire,
Ain’t no tale tall, ain’t no story false enough, baby.
If you need me, tweet me; no matter fore or aft,
No matter how daft (don’t worry, baby)
Just tweet my name; tweet some lies in a hurry.
You don’t have to worry.

‘Cause, baby, there ain’t no scandal dire enough,
Ain’t no tale tall enough,
Ain’t no story false enough
To keep me from lying to you, babe.

Remember the day I gushed perjury.
I’m a billionaire; you can always count on me, darling.
From that day on, I made a vow,
I’ll pretend I can be there when you need me,
Some way, somehow.

‘Cause, baby, there ain’t no scandal dire enough,
Ain’t no tale tall enough,
Ain’t no story false enough
To keep me from lying to you, babe.

(Oh, no darling)
Thin skin, small brain,
Toilets of gold can’t stop me, baby (no no, baby).
Just keep burning coal.
If you’re ever in trouble
I’ll say, “You live in a bubble.”
I won’t even pay you (oh baby, ha!)

You live to contrive.
You may not be smart,
Although you can jostle the applecart.
If you ever need a tiny hand,
I’ll be there on the double,
Just as fast as I ‘Klan.’

Don’tcha know that there
Ain’t no scandal dire enough,
Ain’t no tale tall enough,
Ain’t no story false enough
To keep me from lying to you, babe.

Don’tcha know that there
Ain’t no scandal dire enough,
Ain’t no tale tall enough,
Ain’t no story false enough,
Ain’t no scandal dire enough,
Ain’t no tale tall enough…